My parents, who are now both with the Lord, belonged to what was known as the “Builder’s Class” of their church. The Builder’s Class was very close. Of course, they met every Sunday morning upstairs at Westminster Presbyterian Church in Springfield, Missouri, where we attended. The group often had picnics, holiday celebrations, social gatherings, and the like. One of my best memories is of a picnic in a park near the church, where I met my best friend in Jr. High and High School for the first time. We are still friends today.

The class began somewhere around 1960 or about sixty years ago. At some point during my childhood, one of the members left his wife and family. My Dad, who was an FBI agent, found out where the man was, took a day off work, drove 250 miles, and talked the man into returning to his family. Without their close community and fellowship, it would not have been possible. However, because of the close fellowship of the group, the man knew Dad cared enough to take a day off, drive 250 miles, and sit down to talk. He went home, and a marriage was saved. This is one example of the power of Christian community—and I have remembered the importance of my father’s action for more than a half century.

Made for Community

In our culture, most people suppose that human beings are fundamentally self-interested, isolated, individuals. Society, in this view, is made up of autonomous individuals seeking their own self-interest bound together by laws and passing agreements. The Christian worldview is vastly different. We see the world as fundamentally related and relational. Christians suppose that individuals emerge from families into larger communities and remain fundamentally relational creatures as long as they live. As God exists, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, so also human beings exist and find deep meaning and purpose in life as they are imbedded in social relationships. Caring social relationships inside the body of Christ are basic to the Christian life and discipleship.

This is an area in which modern psychology supports the ancient insight of Christian faith and practice. People who grow up experiencing loving, healthy, sacrificial human relationships most frequently grow up to be healthy individuals. People who are not the product of such relationships, particularly in their youngest years, often struggle. Human beings are not in fact isolated individuals. Human beings emerge from families and other relationships and are profoundly impacted, for good or evil, by what happens in them. This is why strong, healthy families and friendships are so important.

In the same way, healthy Christians experience healthy Christian relationships in the family of Christ. Christians who grow in healthy Christian relationships become healthy disciples. Christians who experienced unhealthy Christian relationships often become unhealthy disciples. From the time we become a new disciple and are called into a relationship with God until our last day as a disciple, we need to experience the mutual love and fellowship of a healthy group of Christian people with whom we are caring for one another in a caring relationship.

Consequently, time spent in caring is important for every disciple. One important opportunity of ordinary Christians is to step out in the name of Christ and share the love of God with one another. In larger churches, it is impossible for even the largest staffs to minister to all the needs of a congregation. Only if lay people step out and exercise their spiritual gifts can the needs of the congregation be met. [1] Even in smaller congregations, caring relationships are important to the spiritual and emotional health of the people of the church.

The Importance of Loving Community in Scripture

This idea of Christians helping, loving, and encouraging one another is one of the most common ideas in the entire New Testament. A prominent Church consultant and author published some fifty-nine such texts in the New Testament. [2] Here are just a few:

• “Be at peace with each other” (Mark 9:50).
• “Love one another…” (John 13:34; John 13:35; John 15:12; John 15:17; I John 3:11; I John 3: 2; Romans 13:83; I John 4:7; I John 4:11; I John 4:12; II John 5; I Thessalonians 4:9’ I Thessalonians 3:12; I Peter 3:8; I Peter 4:8).
• “Be devoted to one another” (Romans 12:10).
• “Honor one another…” (Romans 12:10).
• “Live in harmony with one another…” (Romans 12:16; I Peter 3:8).
• “Accept one another…” (Romans 15:7).
• “Instruct one another…” (Romans 15:14; Colossians 3:16)
• “Greet one another with a holy kiss…” (Romans 16:16; I Corinthians 16:20; II Corinthians 13:12; I Peter 5:14)
• “Have equal concern for one another” (I Corinthians 12:25)
• Serve one another…” (Galatians 5:13).
• “Carry one another’s burdens…” (Galatians 6:2).
• “Be patient and bear with one another…” (Ephesians 4:2; Colossians 3:13).
• “Be kind and compassionate to one another…” (Ephesians 4:32).
• “Forgive one another…” (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13).
• “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21).
• “In humility consider others better than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)
• “Admonish one another” (Colossians 3:16).
• “Encourage one another…” (I Thessalonians 4:18; I Thessalonians 5:11; Hebrews 10:25; Hebrews 3:13).
• “Build up one another…” (I Thessalonians 5:11).
• “Spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24).
• “Do not slander one another.” (James 4:11).
• “Don’t grumble against one another…” (James 5:9).
• “Confess your sins to one another…” (James 5:16).
• “Pray for one another.” (James 5:16)
• “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling” (I Peter 4:9).
• “Use whatever gift you have received to serve one another…” (I Peter 4:10).
• “…Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another…” (I Peter 5:5).

It is clear that God wants us to live in a community of love with each other, not jumping around looking for the perfect church or small group, but sticking with a group and learning the hard lessons of loving people who are fundamentally different.

Reasons for Caring

There are many reasons why Christians should care for one another in every church and in every small discipleship group:

• First, Christ commanded us to love one another. The Apostle John records Jesus as saying, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34). We show love for one another as we care for one another in deep and profound ways. We should love and care for one another because God has asked us to do so.
• Second, Christians are committed to experiencing the transformation of our character to that of Jesus Christ. Paul urges the Ephesians to be “imitators of Christ,” when he says: “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” (Eph. 5:12). As we care for others, we experience growth in achieving the character of the Lord Jesus Christ.
• Finally, we only experience the fullness of the Christian life as we employ our spiritual gifts for others. In I Corinthians, Paul puts it this way: “To each is given a manifestation of the Spirit for the common good” (I Cor. 12:7). If someone else does the visiting and the caring in the congregation, then they experience the blessing of using their gift. If we have the gift of caring for others, and we use that gift, then we experience the blessing and so does each person we meet. As we use our spiritual gifts to bless others, we are formed into the image of God—and become the person God intended us to be.

Jesus spoke of himself as the “Good Shepherd who lays down his life for his sheep” (John 10:11). Christians become more like the Good Shepherd as we lay down our lives, just a little, taking time to love others in the name of Jesus Christ when they might be doing something else.

When I was a young Christian I became suddenly ill at a time when I lived all alone in a new city, and there was no one to care for me. One of the men in my discipleship group came and visited me. It meant the world to me then, and it has encouraged me to visit others. We are still friends, forty years later.

The best senior pastor I ever knew, though he was the pastor of a large congregation, still often visited people in the hospital and was part of a small group. When we receive care from others, we learn to care, just as a child who is properly cared for as a child learns to care for their children when the proper time comes. More than that, when we care for others as Christ has cared for us, we are slowly transformed into the people Christ wants us to be.

The Attitudes We Need

In order to grow to be more like Christ, Christians develop certain attitudes that characterize our relations with others:

• Peace and Harmony With One Another: The Apostle Paul wrote the Romans saying, “Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. …If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:16-18). Avoiding endless arguments maintaining peaceful relations, and avoiding pride are some most important ways we love one another. This is hard to accomplish, but with the help of God we can.
• Respect and Accept One Another: Paul goes on to say, “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God” (Romans 15:7). We give care to one another as we accept the abilities and limitations that each person brings to the group. Each member of a group brings unique strengths and weaknesses to the community. We need to respect the strengths and the weaknesses of one another. No one member of a small group has all the answers—and people who think they do are often trouble. Humbly respecting others is essential if we are to develop the character of Christ. We don’t have to agree with or admire all the characteristics of our fellow Christians to love, serve, and befriend them.
• Concern About One Another. In First Corinthians, Paul says “God has combined the members of the body and has given great honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each of you is part of it” (I Cor. 12:24-27). Those of us who are emotionally, mentally or physically stronger than others need to put out care to those who are As we develop these attitudes of Christian love, we are transformed into the very image of Jesus Christ and become more like him. This means that we should not seek to be with only those who are as mentally, emotionally, spiritually or otherwise as mature as we are.

There are many, many other qualities that Christians need to develop. These are just a few of the caring characteristics we need to grow in Christ.

The Need for Loving One Another

We live in a society in which there is an enormous need for Christians to reach out to others with the unconditional love of God. Many societal developments of the 20^th and 21st centuries have left people with deep spiritual and emotional needs. These developments are familiar to many of us and include:

• The Decline of the Extended Family. Children no longer live in proximity to their parents with the result that older people often are lonely with no one to share their final years. Younger people are deprived of the wisdom of older people, and the aged are deprived of the love and respect they Everyone loses.
• The Single Parent Family. Divorce has increased to the point that a great many children in our nation will grow up for at least a part of their childhood in families where there is only one parent. In the single parent family, the parent who is raising the children is put under increased pressure, and the children lack a role model from the parent of the opposite sex. This can result in a family where exhaustion and uncertainty are a constant factor in the family system. This has an emotional impact on children and parents alike.
• The Two-Income Household. In America today, both parents work in many households. Unlike prior generations, much of the time parents work all or part of the time away from home where they cannot have constant contact with children or each other. Such families often face time pressures and little time for relaxation and family activities. The church can help by providing wholesome opportunities for family fellowship.
• Economic Uncertainty. The rapidly changing nature of our economy has resulted in increased economic uncertainty for many people who formerly had relatively secure careers. Layoffs, downsizing, mergers, and divestitures have resulted in many middle-aged managers having to find new positions—or even new careers in midlife. The rise of global competition means that managers work longer and longer hours with less and less security for the future. All these factors create uncertainty and instability in relationships.
• Decline of Institutions. Many people in our culture have a sense of self that is extremely dependent upon their participation in just a few institutions, primarily work. Family, church, neighborhood, clubs, ethnic associations and other groups that fostered identity and supported families and individuals are not present in the lives of many people. The modern subdivision normally consists of isolated and fenced homes with people who have little or no relationship with one another living side by side.
• Unclear Role Expectations. In the past, our society had stable expectations for men, women, parents, children, leaders, etc. The increasing fragmentation and individualism of our culture has resulted in a loss of a consensus concerning the behavior appropriate to certain roles. People are forced to make choices under circumstances that, in prior generations, the appropriate role behavior would have been obvious. People feel lost, anxious and alone.
• Churches in which there is Dysfunctional Care. There is one other factor that must be mentioned—perhaps the saddest of all. Some people have experienced dysfunctional care within the Christian community. Where a pastor or leader uses his or her position to create dependency, dominate, gain power, or otherwise control disciples, there is dysfunctional care. It can result in injury or a failure to mature as disciples.

These and other factors make creating community both challenging and more important in our society. One of the most important things that churches, small groups and other Christian organizations do is establish, nurture, and maintain healthy small and larger communities in which people can grow in Christ and flourish personally and as families.

Actions of Christian Love

Many years ago, my wife and I were teaching a long Bible study for a group of adults. One of the members of our group was a young couple experiencing problems with a pregnancy. The couple was overwhelmed, as they already had small children. The group started bringing them meals a few times a week. This couple were an active part of our church until the husband was transferred and remain strong Christ-Followers to this day. The love they experienced has been passed along many times by now.

In our former church, we had a number of single parent families. Some of the leadership would, from time to time, “adopt” children from our children and youth ministries and show them special attention as they navigated difficult times. Some of these young people still reach out to their mentors in hard times, although they are now self-sufficient adults.

Years ago, we went on a mission trip with a couple in our small group and their daughters. We went as couples and brought along our children. Each day for five days we ate and worked together building a home in Mexico. It was an important time in the discipleship of our children and theirs, and we remained friends until career changes took us apart. The wife became a leader of our church in a hard time. The love shared over almost a decade was important to both couples, and we still communicate from time to time.

When I practiced law, I almost always had a Bible study either in the firm or at a restaurant at least one day a week. This was an important time of growth for me as well as the other participants. One of these groups had no other Christians involved for the entire time we met.

Our former congregation sponsored a small group for displaced workers beginning during the Great Recession of 2008. This ministry helped many of the people of our community find work and survive a stressful period. Men and women were able to share their grief at career displacement, help one another, and celebrate new careers. Some of the members later on became leaders.

Christians always need to remember that the attitudes we have toward one another are reflected in the actions we take toward one another. Here are some other kinds of actions we can take as we show God’s love to others:

• We can pray for one another and confess our sins to one another: In James we read, “Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective” (James 5:14-16). One way that we show concern for one another is as we pray with and for one another.
• We can serve one another: As Jesus was training leaders, he called the Twelve together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave – just as the son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matt. 20:24-28; see also Gal. 5:13). If we desire to show proper Christian care for one another we must be willing to serve the needs of one another.
• We can encourage one another: In Thessalonians, Paul says, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing” (I Thess. 5:11). Sometimes the best care we can give one another is the care of encouraging one another in difficult times.

Self-Giving Love: The Vital Element in Witness

This “one-anothering” ministry of the church is vitally important to making disciples and sharing faith. The Early Church Father, Tertullian spoke of the amazement that non-Christians felt because of the love of early Christians towards one another. He put it this way “See, they say, how they love one another.” [3] Just as the love of Christians made an impression on First Century Rome, the love shown by contemporary Christians will touch even our society. Where people deeply care for one another, share life’s burdens, help one another in difficult times, and show selfless regard even for the weak and difficult, the world will always take notice.

The world can ignore our theology, our morals, our worship, and our public witness. It cannot ignore the love it sees worked out in the Christian community and towards the world. The greatest witness we can make to unbelievers and new believers is the unconditional love of Christ.

There is a great truth embedded in the Christian praise tune, “They Will Know We Are Christians by our Love”:

We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord 
We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord 
And we pray that all unity may one day be restored 
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love 
They will know we are Christians by our love

We will work with each other, we will work side by side 
We will work with each other, we will work side by side 
And we’ll guard each one’s dignity and save each one’s pride 
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love 
They will know we are Christians by our love

By our love, by our love

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love 
They will know we are Christians by our love

We will walk with each other, we will walk hand in hand 
We will walk with each other, we will walk hand in hand 
And together we’ll spread the news that God is in our land 
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love 
They will know we are Christians by our love

By our love, by our love

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love 
They will know we are Christians by our love [4]

Copyright 2019, G. Christopher Scruggs, All Rights Reserved 

[1] See, Gareth W. Icenogle, Biblical Foundations for Small Group Ministry: An Integrational Approach (Downers Grove, Ill: IVP Press, 1994).

[2] Carl F. George, Prepare Your Church for the Future (Tarrytown, NY: Revell, 1991), 129-131. I have not included the entire list here, but eliminated similar and negative “one-another’s”. Others have made similar lists of varying sizes. I have shortened George’s for this essay.

[3] Tertullian, Apology Chapter 39 in Volume 3 The Ante-Nicene Fathers: Translations of the Writings of the Fathers Down to A.D. 325. Edited by Alexander Roberts and James Donaldson. 10 vols. 1885–1887. (Repr., Peabody, MA, MI: Hendrickson, 1994), 46.

[4] Peter Scholtes (1938–2009) “The Will Know We Are Christians by our Love” (© 1966, F.E.L. Publications, assigned to The Lorenz Corp., 1991).