At the root of this week’s blog is the importance of leaders understanding their limits. We all have physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual limitations. Some of us may have higher limits, different or more socially acceptable limits, but we all have limits. As we grow older, these limits become more evident in our lives. [1]
Pete Scazzero begins his discussion of the importance of limits in a chapter devoted to enlarging your soul through grief and loss. Our culture doesn’t like losses. It doesn’t like defeats. It doesn’t like failure. This is actually somewhat enterprising. If you ask highly successful people about the most important contributors to their successes, many of them will answer, “My defeats.” Many people will say that their limitations or defects were instrumental in their success.
When I was younger, I was a debater. As a debater, I paid special attention to great orators. In the 20th century, there was no greater orator than Winston Churchill. Churchill had a speech impediment. His remarkable ability to communicate and lead the British people through the Second World War began with overcoming a physical limitation—a speech impediment. The same might be said of Theodore Roosevelt, a sickly child. His great physical and mental energy and stamina were cultivated by overcoming his limitations. Limitations are an essential source of success. Every child should be taught this truth: Your limitations may lead to success.
On the other hand, those who push the limits of their personality- whether physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual- risk burnout and failure. I’ve always admired people who can thrive on little sleep; however, I’ve realized that I need eight hours to function well. As I’ve aged, I continue to respect those with remarkable physical vitality who can run marathons, walk thirty-six holes on a golf course in a single day, or play tennis almost as well as they did at thirty. Unfortunately, I cannot. As a manager, I’ve always looked up to those with extroverted personalities and abundant emotional reserves who can constantly interact with people without burning out. Sadly, I am sometimes introverted, and my emotional reserves depend on spending time alone.
When leaders ignore their limits, they almost always engage in some form of dysfunctional behavior. They deny their weaknesses, rationalize failure, and numb the pain with sex, drugs, alcohol, or, more commonly, workaholism. They avoid discussing or confronting their limitations. One of the most prevalent ways we dysfunctionally cope with our limits is by ignoring our emotions, particularly those related to grief or loss.
Job as an Emotionally Healthy Leader
In Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, the author uses Job from the Bible to discuss the importance of experiencing grief and loss. [2] The story of Job is particularly intriguing. [3]He was one of the most successful leaders of his time and extremely wealthy, making him a prominent figure in business. Job earned great respect in his community, establishing himself as a significant political leader. He led a large and prosperous family, solidifying his role as a family leader. In the ancient world, Job was highly respected and successful.
Then, in a single day, for clearly unjust reasons, Job loses everything. His wealth is stripped away. He becomes an outcast from the community. His family is shattered. He is left alone and vulnerable. For incomprehensible reasons, God allows Satan to ruin Job’s family and life.
One humorous thing about Job’s character has to do with the way the unknowing repeatedly refers to him as having great patience and acceptance of this condition. Even the book’s most casual reading of Job proves this false. Job constantly complains to God and his friends about his condition. In other words, Joe doesn’t deny his pain, grief, and loss. He doesn’t push it down out of his consciousness where it works in his unconscious. He owns his feelings of grief, loss, and injustice. Job turns out to be an emotionally healthy person and leader. He can maintain his integrity under the most challenging situation imaginable.
Amid his suffering and loss, Job avoids the standard methods we use to evade grief and loss. He doesn’t deny his pain or minimize it. He avoids blaming anyone else for his pain, nor does he blame himself. He maintains his innocence throughout the book. He doesn’t rationalize or intellectualize his suffering, and he doesn’t claim, ” God will make this all work out for the good.” Additionally, he doesn’t distract himself from his pain with alcohol or drugs, nor does he change the subject or divert the conversation. He doesn’t become hostile; instead, he argues with his friends, expressing that he believes they are mistaken in their interpretation of his condition (they think he’s a sinner), yet he doesn’t sever ties with them out of anger.
Owning Our Grief, Loss, and Limits
Job provides a vivid example of how we can confront our own mortality, loss, and other emotions. First of all, Job is aware of what he is feeling. In other words, he pays attention to his emotions. He does not give up as he waits for God to respond to his complaint. He doesn’t stop expressing discontent about his situation. However, he also doesn’t abandon his friends, deny God, or entirely avoid the situation. He waits.
Beyond the story of Job, we can all learn to embrace our limits. We all inherit limits from our family of origin. We have physical, emotional, and mental limits built into our genetics. Additionally, we carry emotional baggage from our childhood, some of which may never be overcome in this world. For those of us who are married, our marital status limits what we can or cannot do. For example, those of us who are married cannot prioritize our wives and children if we wish to maintain leadership positions. We all have only so much time, so much giftedness, so much intellectual capacity, and so much money. We must live within the limits of who we are.
Becoming a Humble Servant Leader
Last week, I mentioned that, contrary to the media (which constantly portrays leaders as self-assured, prideful activists), studies show that the most humble leaders actually create the healthiest organizations and, in business, generate the greatest profits for their shareholders. This is especially true for religious leaders. If you remember, Moses was described as “… a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth” (Numbers 12:3). Jesus in the New Testament is proclaimed the new Moses. The Beatitudes describe the significance of living with humility within human limits (Matthew 5:3-11).
Above all, living within our limits and acknowledging our failures and shortcomings are constant reminders of our humanity and frailty, showing how much we are like those we lead. Our limits, failures, shortcomings, and griefs are signs of our shared humanity. If we avoid them, we deny our humanity; if we embrace them, we become more fully human and better equipped for leadership. We can identify with others compassionately and wisely.
Slowing Down to Live Within Our Limits
During most of my years in active leadership, I was a poster child for what I call overperformance. Overperformance occurs when we regularly operate at a level inconsistent with our physical, emotional, social, and mental limits. I often share the following story. I became aware of my limits fairly late in my career when I was over 50. Throughout my life, I’ve been blessed with good physical energy and the ability to work long hours. One Thursday night, about twenty years ago, I finished a meeting about our new building campaign. The meeting lasted until 9 p.m. It had been a hectic day filled with meetings about the project, and I hadn’t had a chance to work on the sermon, which I usually write on Thursdays. Therefore, I returned to my office after an 18-hour day and sat down to begin writing. About a paragraph into the sermon for the week, I realized I couldn’t continue. I had hit a limit.
Interestingly, this awareness of my limits helps me better understand how often I’ve overperformed. Most of the mistakes I’ve made in ministry, law, and business occurred under pressure when I was overperforming. Amid a crisis, pressured by events, and exhausted from overwork, I made decisions. Unfortunately, they were wrong.
I became more aware of this phenomenon and began changing my work habits. I started to spend more time at home in the mornings for prayer. I purposefully devoted more time to our family. (At that time, we only had one child left at home. I had already harmed our family concerning the older children.) I sought to overcome the consequences of constant overwork. I made a conscious effort to ensure I did not neglect the need for a Sabbath time. (Working when I should be spending time with God remains a problem occasionally.)
Signs of Living Outside Your Limits
In his book, The Emotionally Healthy Leader, Pete Scazzero provides a helpful list of signs indicating leaders are living outside their limits. We are almost certainly living outside our limits if we:
- Constantly feeling we have too much to do and too little time
- Are always in a hurry
- Continually make snap judgments and give quick opinions
- Are overly concerned with what others think
- Are routinely preoccupied and distracted
- Are consistently ignoring stress, anxiety, and other physical symptoms
- Spend more time talking than listening. [4]
I’m sure anyone with leadership experience could add to this list. You are overperforming and failing to live within your limits if you’re constantly exhausted, feel hopeless, sense failure no matter how much you accomplish, and are easily irritated by others. The list could go on and on. The point is that we all exhibit dysfunctional symptoms when living beyond our limits and failing to be the people we are called to be.
The Price of Over Functioning
There are many significant dangers to failing to live within our limits and constantly overfunctioning. The most important of these is that we distort our personalities, deny the very individuals we were meant to be, and miss the joy of being fully human. Along the way, we hurt others: our families, our businesses, the organizations we lead, our churches, our employees, and our stakeholders. We harm everyone around us.
I think I probably mentioned this in a past blog, but many years ago, one of my best elders retired after many years with a company. We were talking about what she learned in retirement, and I was pondering retiring myself at the time. I will never forget what she told me: “It’s been very interesting. Not one person has mentioned a deal we closed together. Not one person has mentioned a bonus we received for outstanding work. Not one person has mentioned a division we managed together. Everyone mentioned some personal act of kindness and love. Over thirty years of work, I paid a little attention to this, but in the end, it was the most important thing of all.”
Copyright 2025, G. Christopher Scruggs, All Rights Reserved
[1] As mentioned previously, these blogs are based on Peter Scazzero The Emotionally Healthy Leader: How Transforming Your Inner Life Will Deeply Transform Your Church, Team, and World (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2017), hereinafter EHL. See also Emotionally Healthy Discipleship: Moving from Shallow Christianity to Deep Transformation (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2021). Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Updated Ed. (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2017). The Emotionally Healthy website is https://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/. The materials needed to guide individuals through emotionally healthy discipleship training are available on the website and most Christian and secular online book retailers. The Emotionally Healthy Spirituality and Relationship Courses are offered as the “Emotionally Healthy Disciples Course,” which includes books, study guides, teaching videos, devotional guides, and teaching aids.
[2] Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, 119-120.
[3] See G. Christopher Scruggs, Path of Life: The Way of Wisdom for Christ-Followers (Eugene, OR: Wipf & Stock, (2014), 179-882
[4] The Emotionally Healthy Leader, 127.